10 tips for the (Christian) college freshmen

They were giggly, silly sixth graders when I interned for our church's youth group. We went to Valleyfair and the water park, went sledding and baked cookies. Somewhere along the way, those giggly girls turned into wise young women, who needed boy advice and help with loving their friends through hard times. And this month they start college -- two of them at my alma mater. :) I've been thinking about what I can pass along to them -- the lessons I learned the hard way that might make their next 4-5 years a little more fun and life-giving. 

So, to my old small group girls and everyone else who needs it, here are my top ten tips for starting out at college:

1. Be real. Those first few weeks will be nerve-wracking as everyone tries to adjust to a new home and a new community. Be real with the people you meet -- let them know you're nervous, let them get to know your weird side. 

2. Plan your time wisely. Yes, there is that little detail about going to class. And doing homework. So it's important to find a way to schedule your time well, to make sure your priorities are being lived out. Make a list of the things that you need/want to do each week, and assign them a priority. Then schedule a time to do those things! If you have a smart phone, use your Reminders or Calendar app to help you stay on track. It doesn't sound very fun or glamorous, but planning your time will help you to manage stress and make time for work and fun. 

3. Be open. Your college friends might be completely different than anyone you hung out with in high school - and that's okay. Be open to meeting new people. Open your dorm room door; invite people in for snacks or a movie night. Especially in the beginning, everyone is looking for a place to belong, and you can help to make people feel at home. And again, be open about who you are and what you're feeling. 

Luau fun with my hall in 2005

4. Say yes. I know some of those orientation activities probably sound awful and awkward. But just say yes, just go. When new friends invite you to go to the football game, just say yes, even if you'd prefer some quiet time. Those first activities are often where people form their friend groups, and you don't want to miss out! 



5. Talk to your professors. Ask questions if you don't understand an assignment. Let them know if your group for a project isn't working out. I had one (new) professor who cut out about half of our assignments because one person was willing to speak up and tell him (respectfully) that it was way too much to expect from us. 

6. Join something. Find an on-campus group that fits your interests! Whether it's a sports team or a drama team, a Bible study or service group, find something to plug into. And if there isn't anything that you're interested in, don't be afraid to start something! 

7. Be free. I've noticed that at Christian college, everyone wanted to pretend that they were perfect. There seemed to be a lot of hidden shame, even though we were all free in Christ. Don't be ashamed of your sin -- confess it, receive God's forgiveness, and move forward in freedom. And don't be afraid to confess your sins to close friends, because chances are some of them struggle with the same things. 

8. Really get to know people. You don't have to stay at surface-level just because you're only going to be in college for a limited number of years. Invest in people, truly get to know them, even if you have to say goodbye someday. These friends may become life-long or they may be there for a season. Either way, it is worth loving them well! 

9. Live on campus. I know it can be expensive, but if at all possible, live on campus. My second year of college I lived back at home, and it was cheap but lonely. I loved having my parents nearby again and eating homemade food -- but I missed out on developing a lot of friendships. 

10. Plug into a church. Even if you go to a Christian college and feel like you're already at church all day every day -- find a church and serve there. Find a place off campus that has people of all ages, because you'll miss seeing kids and grandparents! Get to know people, ask for a mentor, and you will grow so much more than you would've while sleeping in. ;) 

And to my girls -- know that I'm praying for you as you go off on your own. You are smart, wise, kind, and beautiful. Dream big, work hard, and love well. God is going to do great things in and through you! I love you so much.

For those who've been there -- what advice would you add? 

On Rightness and Love, Food and Faith

After my first baby was born I became a food Pharisee. At 21, I was the first of my friends to get married and have a child -- and I was just a little concerned about proving I could do it all right. I turned up my nose at white flour and sugar, becoming almost obsessed with "real food". I worried over what to buy, cook, and eat more than almost anything because I wanted to feed my family right.

This summer I've been reading Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist with the Bloom book club, and her words have inspired me to think differently about food, nourishment, and hospitality. She says, "You can decide that every time you open your door, it's an act of love... every time people gather around your table, your goal is nourishment, not neurotic proving." Ouch. Neurotic proving? I know that has been my hidden motive too often.

I want the goal of my cooking, my hospitality, to be love. And love is not so concerned about it's own "rightness" as it is with what others want and need.
 
I'm learning that sometimes nourishment is having pancakes, made with white flour and chocolate chips and feeling the comfort of childhood memories. And sometimes nourishment is having friends bring their own meat to grill and getting bags of salad and chips, because I'd rather celebrate life together than give excuses that I don't have time to cook. Sometimes it's preparing homemade chicken broth for chicken noodle soup when my whole family is sick with a cold. It's a balance of nutrition, practicality, and heart, and knowing when to favor one over the other.

Sometimes, my faith has also been more concerned with proving something than about love. I went to Bible college, solidified my views on biblical interpretation and theology, and was convinced I had it all right. But I hadn't done much about actually loving people, actually living it out.

I've been slowly learning that faith in Jesus isn't about me proving that I know the Right Way to Think or the Right Way to Act. It's abiding with Him, being nourished by the Bread and Wine and Water of life. It's receiving from God and pouring out into the world.

This walk of faith is not about me and my right-ness. Romans 3:25-26 says, "God sets things right. He also makes it possible for us to live in his rightness." (MSG) Friends, may we live in His rightness, trusting in His saving power, and be delivered from pride and proving.

Grace & Peace,
Amanda

On fitting the puzzle together

She gave me a piece of a Power-Puff Girls puzzle, inscribed with "You, Amanda, are a priceless piece of my master plan. You see but a glimpse. I see the big picture. Trust me. -eph. 2:10-"

Anna was my Bible camp counselor the summer before my senior year of high school, nine years ago. My two best friends and I were assigned to her cabin, along with a girl we didn't know very well, who had some special needs. (I'll call her M.) At the beginning of the week, we privately groaned that we had to share the cabin with someone so weird (awful, I know).

By the end of the week, we had witnessed Anna love on M in so many ways, helping her with her most basic needs. We started to treat M like the beautiful person she was. One night, Anna washed our feet, and I saw Jesus' sacrificial love shining through her sweet heart. And when M threw up on the bus ride home, I guided her to the restroom and cleaned her up.

After knowing Anna, I loved more like Jesus. I loved even when there was nothing in it for me.

This week, she wrote at (in)courage.me about all that God has done in us since then. About how we reconnected at last year's inRL event, which she co-hosted. (To think I almost chickened out because I would hardly know anybody!) Afterwards, we became dear friends -- took our boys to the park together, celebrated New Years' morning together.

When God put it on both of our hearts to encourage working moms, we dove head-first into serving together. We hosted this year's inRL event, our story coming full circle. And now, she's the (in)courage community groups communication coordinator! All because God chose to fit a few pieces of the puzzle together, all because we chose to say "yes".

Since I dedicated my life to follow Christ in middle school, I've struggled with the concept of doing "His Will". It seemed like this grand puzzle that I had to put together, without even being able to see some of the pieces.

But this story of Anna and I is helping me to see that doing His Will is just a matter of obedience. It's offering up my one little piece of the puzzle, reflecting the pieces of Him that He made me to be.

It's saying "yes" when my heart feels His Spirit's gentle nudge, saying "okay," even when I don't know if I can do it.

It's trusting that He knows what I need, and what the world needs.

It's trusting that He is good, even when He is disciplining me, stretching me, growing me.

It's trusting that He knows the big picture, that He holds it all together, so I don't have to figure it all out or do it all.

I just need to do take the next step He puts before me, and fit myself in with the pieces of the Body that surround me. And He will make us into the most beautiful masterpiece ever created, these broken, burned, messy pieces, all redeemed and made new.