My mind races, constantly coming back to thoughts of how to prepare for our baby. So many things to consider: the boys' room arrangement, baby supplies, daycare options, Christmas shopping, preparing meals, activities for J while I'm recovering, and so much more. My to-do list grows and grows as the day we will meet S nears.
My thoughts betray me: I tend to be a Martha. I'm rushing around trying to do it all, and yet maybe I just need to sit at Jesus' feet and be a Mary. The tasks will be accomplished in due time, but if I don't take the time now to prepare my heart to mother two sweet boys, when will I?
My mind betrays my sin, my pride, my lack of trust that God will provide. To accomplish something, to get things done - is that really my goal? Really my heart just longs to be ready, to be a godly mother, to love ad enjoy my family. My real life is hidden in Christ, not hidden in tasks. So my preparation for baby must focus on Christ, not just on tasks. And as I focus on Him, the tasks will be done with greater joy, for His honor.
Loving Father, thank you for this discipline, for how You're training my heart. Take me, mold me, prepare me, expand my capacity to love. As I learn to live the real life You've given me, equip me for every good work. Help me to set aside the selfishness, the desire to control, and rely on Your strength, patience, and provision. Thank you for the incredible gifts my boys are, and for how You use them to grow me. Thank you for the example of Your sacrificial love, for showing me how to lay down my life and take up my cross. And thank you that this hard love is always worth it - You're always worth it.