Four years ago

"J, I'm so glad you made me into a mommy four years ago."

"I didn't make you a mommy - God did!"

Four years ago, God made me a mommy. I found out I was pregnant on the morning of my 21st birthday -- what a way to enter adulthood! Motherhood has brought me to my knees, made me realize the depth of my sin, showed me my great need for my Father's love and strength. It has brought me oceans of joy and valleys of intense pain. And I'm forever grateful.

On Sunday, I made a point to celebrate my four-year-old. I (mostly) ignored the Pinterest posts on how to host a fantastic, handmade superhero party, and instead bought a cake at Sam's Club and party favors in the dollar section of Target (half off!). I woke up early and strung banners and birthday signs haphazardly around the house, wrapped gifts in Christmas paper, then made extra coffee and gave thanks to Jesus for my boy.

J slept in (praise God!), and when he emerged from his room I told him "It's your birthday, four-year-old! You are so precious to me!" His eyes widened when he saw balloons and banners and gifts all around.

"Mom! There's 1...2...3...4 birthday signs for me! There's presents! Can I open them?!"

We snuggled and watched cartoons until daddy awoke, then J ripped into Christmas wrapping paper and thanked daddy for his new toys (somehow he knows daddy picks out all the best toys). I made french toast at his request, and tried not to show my frustration when he decided to eat dry Cheerios instead.

I finished party preparations while the hubby entertained the boys. I vowed not to get stressed, to focus on celebrating my boy - and it was wonderful. We played at the park with 30 friends and family members, knocked open a pinata, ate Sam's Club cake and sandwich wraps, opened gifts, and J was in heaven.

(I can't fail to say -- a million thanks to our sweet friends for watching the kids and making a hundred sandwich wraps on Saturday night! Truly, they are Jesus to me.)

Four years old!

I'm learning that being a mom isn't about being Pinterest-perfect. It's about celebrating my kiddos, helping them to see and become who God made them to be. It's about accepting the help, the mess, the bittersweet growth. It's slowing down to live this moment, rejecting the anxious thoughts of all I "should be" doing. It is certainly not very glamorous, but it is so beautiful.


  1. I'm so proud of you for choosing to celebrate your sweetie boy instead of letting Pinterest steal your joy! Cause what you and J will remember won't be where the cake came from or the favors. He'll remember his mama and friends and family coming together to celebrate his special day :-)

    (And for the record, you look like Jesus to us too!)

    1. Fun fact: it wouldn't let me leave my name. Looooooove, Courtney

    2. Thanks, love. :) I'll check on the name thing!

  2. Love this! I am so glad you all were able to celebrate and just enjoy each other for that special little boy's birthday. Amy, you are an amazing mother and such an inspiration to me in my own journey of motherhood. That "picture perfect mom" image is something I've been conquering myself. I am TERRIBLE at constantly comparing myself to other people and always feeling like I come up short, until someone complimented me on my homemaking skills and admitted my messy house that day made her feel so much better about hers. I never even fathomed I could be "that person" for someone else. It really changed my perspective and has brought me so much more contentment than I thought possible. It's ok to have messy, it's ok to not have completely from scratch, organic, soaked whole grain cake beautifully decorated with fondant, he will never know the difference and he will just love to have his mama to play with :) Love you friend!

    1. I love you. :) And you are an amazing mommy too - I don't know how you do it! Comparison steals joy, and I am learning to focus on who God made me, rather than on who everyone else seems to be. Thanks for the encouragement, sweet friend!

  3. I love my wife. More and more each day. Thank you for blogging this. Reminds me how special our boys are and how special you are.
    Love you.


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