My mother-in-law is watching the boys this afternoon. Five whole hours to myself, and a million things I could do. And so I go shoe-shopping alone for the first time in years, and pick out my first pair of black pumps ever, and my first pair of Converse All-Stars ever. I meander Target with a venti white chocolate mocha in hand. And when the sales lady at the shoe store asks me if I feel guilty shopping without my kids -- I say "no; just relieved".
Take a deep breath, lovely. It's okay to give up control.
When you have that lump in your throat, that tightening of your chest, and the guilt starts to pull you down -- think. Ask yourself why. Is your guilt deserved, or imagined? Is it self-imposed, or is it true conviction from God?
Our expectations are so high, when we compare ourselves to everyone else's version of "perfect". We see the clean homes at parties, and the adorable crafts on Pinterest, and we think we must not measure up. Ask yourself -- whose "perfect" are you living up to? Is it your husband's expectations (or the ones you think he has)? Is it your kids' version of perfect? (A movie and popcorn might do.) Or is it God's perfection?
Don't you know? He already sees you whole. He already sees you righteous. And even though he sees every one of your dust bunnies and bitter thoughts, he loves you. He cares way more about you than about anything you strive to do.
In all of your rushing, get wisdom. In all of your striving, get understanding. In all of your worrying, give thanks. In all of your grasping, lay it down. And then? When your to-do list is led by the gust of wind that is God's Spirit? Then you will be free.
And if you need an afternoon off to buy shoes? If God's Spirit tells you it's okay to feel pretty? Do it. ;)