This baby's growing me

Baby has been growing my heart for 21 weeks. As I grow him in my womb, I think more often about who I am, and who God wants me to be. Growing him makes me long to be more, to be all I can for my sons and husband and the world and God.

When there's no grace, wanting to be better can be dangerous, can lead to depression and anger and bitterness that I'm not who I want to be. It can lead to outward perfectionism and inward selfishness. And when there's grace (and it's always abundantly available!), this desire to grow leads to conviction, gratefulness, and growth through the power of God.

I haven't always embraced grace on this journey. I've wallowed in self-pity and been consumed by the nausea. Time with God was pushed aside as I focused on surviving - but what kind of life is it without him? And God used this baby to push me higher, to deeply desire more. I'm convinced that thirst and wanting are an essential part of knowing God - and that He will joyfully fill those who ask.

The challenge is to move from the thirsting to the asking, because so often I try to procure life-giving water out of nothing, and only God can do that. I'm coming to the Table thirsty, asking for more, needing more of Him... join me?

Grace is enough

It's Wednesday and I feel I've failed because I didn't write on Monday. And yet I know you don't mind. Grace is what I need to preach to myself. When my brain's all askew and I don't know what to praise Him for because all energy is focused on this one thing. Grace. He knows my jumbled thoughts and He loves me for them, just like I love J when his words tumble out all out of order and beautiful. Grace. When the dishes aren't done and my list isn't started and the remnants of last week's laundry are on the floor. Grace. When my words come out harsh and ugly when I mean to speak life and comfort. Grace.

235. Grace.

There's so much more to thank Him for this week, but for now, Grace is enough.